shit post

Depression. A chemical imbalance. A genetic inheritance. An absence of biological balance and nutrients. An accumulation of traumatic events. A brain ravaged by agony. I am all of the above. For a decade, rising from the ashes. Holding a fist to the sky. Taking a stand. Being the bravery the world lacked. Coming such a long way. Holding my ground. For what? There is a hole in my heart, so deep. Only magic can conceal it. A magic in the form of perseverance. In the name of what is right and wrong. At the cost of only getting deeper. A solid foundation. Financial stability. Clean and healthy environment. Optimism. Confidence. Strength and independence. And the only desired rewards are furthest from my reach. to feel respected. to feel acknowledged. to feel relied on. to feel wanted. to feel loved. Love. This special word. One of our greatest gifts of consciousness as animals. All I ever wanted. All I thought I needed. That it was companionship. Adventure. Mutual respect. Trust. A team. A family. A fairy tale. Only ever to be an object of sexual desire. Nothing more, nothing less. Has this consciousness condemned me to endure this mundane life of struggle, evil, environmental deterioration alone? For weeks. Sick to my stomach. On the constant verge of tears. Helpless, worthless. Unquenchable thirst for life. I just keep going. Maintaining my composure. Drowning it out with music. /Depression